Being thankful for what I have

So, events last night brought me with a speedy slam into reality. Turns out I’m going to be an aunt. Yup, the sister out east has gone and gotten herself pregnant. I know I’m supposed to be all excited, squealy, and happy right? But I’m not. I’m jealous. She has always seemed to get everything in life so easily.

Then again, as I was reminded over and over last night, things that come easily are not appreciated near as much as those that come from true hard work. This is true, I value my family and everything I’ve surrounded myself with because I’ve busted my ass for it. Yes, including my husband. He’ll even admit that.

I think it was a shock to me last night, because I figured of all of us, she’d never actually do it. I mean, it would ruin her perfect body y’know?

Also, it really hurt that when my mom phoned to tell me the news, she was positively giddy. I can not think of one instance in my whole life where my mom was that giddy about me. I have to stop trying to live up to my mother’s expectations… I’ll never reach them, and I there’s days I can accept that… then there’s others. That kind of conversation with her makes me want to cut off contact with her totally, but I can’t. I love my dad too much to do that. He comes in and saves the day… he gets on the phone and the first thing he asks me, is about me. He wants to know what M and I are doing for our anniversary on Friday. He’s even willing to take C for the evening for us.

So all in all, I feel like a heel for being jealous of my sister, but the situation is nothing new. I think I’ve been jealous of her and her achievements my whole life. At some point, I have to realize my own achievements. And it takes an awakening like this to slap me in the face with reality again.

M explained it very well last night. We have chosen to go through our lives together smelling the roses. My sister has chosen to go through her life running from finish line to finish line. And last night I got upset because she beat me once again to the finish line. But wait…wasn’t I smelling roses? I have been happier in the past year than I have in longer than I can remember. I need to take my antihistamines and get back to my roses.

I have a wonderful family, a husband who loves me, a great little step-son, an exceptional dog, a gorgeous house, a good job that allows me the freedom and income to do what hobbies I want to. A supportive family (on the odd occasion), a good family-in law who often step in when my family is lacking.

I’ve got it pretty damn good.