Is it bad?

To feel relief at going back to work after my holidays?

Sad to say it, but I'm happy to be back. Going headfirst this past week into step-mom'dom hasn't been a picnic. Not only am I still under all the stress of moving, I have this kid who can't seem to do anything without my express instruction. He's a great kid, but it's gonna drive me nuts if he can't find his own mind soon.

I know it takes time to get settled, thanks for the words of support C! It just feels like I'm trying to do too much all at once, and getting nothing done. I don't feel like I accomplished anything on my holidays except to get more stressed out. I still feel like just sitting and crying at the hopelessness of it all. I know I'm probably having a downswing, since as much as I like change, my body hates it.

It's all I can do to get myself organized, and then to have someone who can't do anything on his own really is hard on me. Here's how this morning went...

C turned off his alarm, so therefor didn't get up when he was supposed to. I'm getting tired of waking everyone up so I stayed in bed until 7. At 7, I rolled out of bed, as did M. C was just getting dressed, I told him to hustle and go eat. I went to get ready. M had to run out the door to get to work.

I finished getting ready, asked C if he ate anything "yeah, a banana". Well at least it's something. Did he feed the dog? No... so tell him to go feed the dog. Tell him to get his backpack. Ask him if he has his waterbottle? No... go get your waterbottle.

I start loading my bike up and tell him to get his jacket. "Where's my jacket?" "If you were a jacket where would you be?" So I finish loading up my bike, find his riding gloves etc. Go back into the house, he's wandering around in his helmet and jacket, no shoes. I go to find my jacket. He's tossed/knocked it on the floor while trying to get his down. I get my jacket on, tell him to get his shoes on. Let the dog in. Fill the waterbottle that's still in the dishwasher (which was full of rotting jujubes by the way).

Grab all my things, get him out the door, lock the door. Ask him where his waterbottle is, as he's come out the door empty handed. Back in he goes to get his water bottle. Out he comes. Send him back to lock the door. He gets on my bike without warning, almost toppling us. Gets in trouble for that. Then I realize he doesn't have his gloves on. Off the bike to get his gloves.

Finally we get moving. 10 mins into the ride I realize that I'm probably going the really long way to get to this damn summer camp that's downtown. Oh well. 5 mins later I realize that I should bet money on the fact that C hasn't put his lunch in his bag either. And top it off, the kid has ants in his pants, which is real bad when on the back of a motorcycle.

I pull over into a Macs store and ask him where his lunch is. He hangs his head. Shit. This is not what I need today. So in we go to the Macs to buy him a sandwich. And.... they don't have any.

So back we get on the bike, and head towards this school, I'm thinking there's got to be some other Macs/7-11 on the way. Finally I spot another one. We pop in there, and 9 bucks later he has food for lunch.

Finally I get to the area where this school is supposed to be... I see churches, churches and senior centers... round and round the block and I finally find the school. It's already later than I wanted to get there (stupid me, thought I could get there for 8). We go in and end up in the daycare section of the school... guh, finally with a bunch of directions we find the gymnasium where they're having the camp and I can finally drop C off. I give them the new phone number, tell them his grandmother is picking him up and finally get on my way to work.

By now I am totally soaked with sweat not only with heat, but just stress in general. I finally get into the lab at 8:45am. Not happy. But lovely G has bought me a Timmy's coffee! And my sweet hubby is very supportive when I whine at him about the morning.

I understand this whole step-mom thing is going to have a lot of growing pains, but I just don't know what to do. I mean, I know I'm not doing it by myself, but recently I feel like it's been all me and I'm beginning to resent it. Must speak to M to see if we can come up with something else.

I only hope tomorrow goes better.