New things bring new fears

Well we did get out shopping this weekend, I'll get to that.

Saturday C went with his mom for the day, so M and I went out shopping. I was going to take him to see Ghostrider, but he was still too sick to sit in a theater for 2 hrs, so we went to ToysRUs which started the shopping idea. At ToysRUs we looked at baby furniture and strollers and baby monitors and stuff. Trying to get an idea of what each of us liked and didn't like. After digging through there and not being terribly thrilled at the furniture prices we decided to hit Walmart. We were able to find a compareable crib and changetable at half the price of ToysRUs. So, yeah, we bought them both. Then we had to call the mom-in-law to come with the truck to help us bring it all home. We also went to Home Depot while we waited for her to get a new light fixture for C's room (his is pretty much dead) and a desk lamp for his desk (I don't think there's enough light over his desk when he sits there for homework).

We still haven't really decided on a stroller other than we want a "travel package" (infant car seat+stroller) with BIG WHEELS. I never realized how much of an issue it would be until we started looking. Big wheels are much easier to navigate with.

Then M, the mother-in-law, and I all went to Red Lobster for dinner, and I had a whole plate of seafood! Well not counting the potatoes and veggies. I had a snow crab and king crab combo which was pretty good until I got about 3/4 of the way through and I started to get a bit overwhelmed. I managed to finish the crab and my veggies though. Figured I could leave the potatoes.

So Saturday was a really good day. Sunday, well it started to go downhill from there. We were all really tired I think from Saturday and we had the house chores to get started on. M was trying to figure out how to fit the furniture in the baby's room and decided we needed to move the futon out, so we got it out kicking up a lot of dust probably along the way, so M started feeling pretty sick again. We also had D pop over for a visit and to show us her latest company endeavor.

We wrote off the rest of Sunday relaxing and recovering. Monday the boys got back at the furniture and I got onto the dishes and other stuff. Finally got my elliptical trainer together! Then when they finished all the stuff in the baby's room I went up to look and that's when it hit me. I'm having a baby? Can I really do this?

To top it off, I've recently been feeling really not pregnant. The baby has been pretty quiet the past week, no more fluttering birds. That gets me concerned, even though everything I read says it could just be that the baby isn't in a good position for me to feel it at this point. D says I'm showing, but I still just feel fat. I mean, on Saturday I even got an old pair of jeans on, and zipped up. Granted they weren't comfy to sit in like that, and I did spend the day with them undone under a long shirt but it didn't reassure me.

We have our 18 week ultrasound tomorrow and I'm hoping that this reassures me for a little while again.

So yeah, I think the "I'm scared" has settled in with a vengence the past few days. I'm cranky, I hate the way I look and I want to cry and hide. M is being a sweetheart and trying to reassure me, and I love him for that. I don't want to make it hard on him, and I know I am with my crankiness. I snap at him, I snap at C, I snap at the dog. I just feel like such a heel.