TIme flies

Baby's first concert - Paul Brandt!

Hope to get more to you all tomorrow after the doc's appt!

Can you say mood in a toilet?

Yeah, that's my today.

I think people are supposed to be excited to go to their prenatal appointments, and in some small space of my brain I am. But there's one thing I dread every visit, and that's the stepping on the scale. Coming from a weight obsessed family it is hard not to feel like crap when you realize how much you have gained. I thought I was doing not too bad, but then I got my prenatal sheets (that I'm now supposed to carry pretty much everywhere) and well, now I can see in black and white the weight gain. If it weren't for this baby, I'd be tempted to stop eating altogether... I've never been this heavy in my life, and I know, I know, there's a baby in there, but c'mon, how much does the baby weigh, like 3 pounds right now? And the fluid and stuff adds some too, but everything I read says that I can expect to gain a pound at least a week... and I have 10 weeks to go! That's at least 10 more pounds!

The only reassurance today was hearing the baby's heartbeat, but I think I was already too upset about the weight thing to even really enjoy it. It's just so hard, all I seem to crave is sweets.

M has offered to help us both eat a bit lighter since he wants to also cut back on how much he's eating so I hope that helps. 'cause right now I'm just in that nice dark pit, except it's not a nice dark cool pit cause it's friggin hot out. heh, ok there's still some humor left in me.

I was gonna blog about classes, but maybe I'll see if tomorrow I'm more in the mood.

Please please can I have a non-stress week?

Let's start with a happy belly picture. Here is baby and me at 29weeks. Please ignore the disasterous sewing room behind me. :)

Ok, so where'd we leave off. Right, M flew to Ft. Mac on Friday to fix some computers, apparently he was done by 10:30 in the morning and did some odds and ends until he got to fly out around 3:30ish in the afternoon.

I had the car at work and thought, yay! I can bring home the baby gate and heater that I was given by a gal here. Heh, typical baby brain I guess, I forgot it at work. Now it waits until next monday when I next have the car here. So I bounce out of work, go to get C and then head to the airport to pick up M. We get M and begin to head to P's house 'cause we're all going out for dinner and then M is going to work on P's old comp for S. We're all nice and relaxed sitting at a read light on 118th ave and 124th street when KERSMASH we get rear ended. *sigh* Yup, there starts our weekend.

So M get's the other driver's info and checks the car for damage. Luckily it wasn't too high of an impact, the running lights on the rear bumper are busted, and the bumper itself is cracked. The worst damage is that the trunk is not releasing properly from inside the car, and if you open it manually with the key it doesn't "pop" up like it normally does, it kind of "sticks". You can still get it open but you have to actually lift it now. C and I don't move from where we are frozen in the car. When M gets back into the car I say "ok, we have to cancel dinner, 'cause I'm going to emerg", I know no one is really hurt, but I'm scared for the baby and I want it checked out.

So we take C to P's house, M lets him know what's happening and P offers to watch C for us while we go to the hospital. Off we head to the Sturgeon emerg, we get there and there's no lineup! I love the Sturgeon, for a hospital, they're pretty decent. We get admitted and then sit for a few minutes before heading in to be assessed. They take the doppler to my tummy and I lose it when I hear the baby's heartbeat... I guess I was more worried than I thought. They also checked M's neck and stuff just to be on the safe side. After waiting some more after the initial assessment a doc came in and said that they wanted to do a stress test on the baby, just to be on the safe side. I'm all for anything to make sure that the baby is ok.

So, off we head to the maternity ward for this monitoring. The ER doc said it should only take 30 mins, heh. We get up there and they tell us it will be 4hrs! Whoah. At this point neither of us has eaten since lunch, so after they get me hooked up I send M off to call parents and get food. M organizes with P for C to sleep overnight, and picks up some subs. He comes back to the hospital to find out I'm not allowed to eat, just in case. So there we sit, for 4 hrs. At about 11pm they let me have some juice and yogurt, and around midnight they decide I can go home. As cool as it was to lay there and listen to the baby's heartbeat for 4 hours, it was getting a bit tiresome. So back we went to the ER to get discharged, and got home just before 1am.

So yeah, that was the start to my weekend. Not nearly as relaxing as I'd hoped, and I knew we'd still have to deal with the insurance company on monday (I didn't think it qualified as an "emergency claim" as no one was hurt except for the car, and it was still driveable).

Now it is mostly in the hands of the insurance company, we're getting an estimate on the damage today, and that should give us an idea if they're going to write off the car (it is 10 years old). Guh, not the way I wanted to get a new car. Guess we'll have to just wait and see.

Oh and HR still hasn't posted my job listing... eek

And panic sets in

...with teeth and claws

So, yeah, I've had a few bouts with panic/nerves etc, but nothing compared to last night. I totally lost it, it was all I could do not to go hide in my room and just cry. I just keep thinking how the hell do people do this? And do it more than once? I feel so lost, so unprepared. M tries his best to help, but he can't get in my head and fix the fears. He keeps telling me to relax, and I try, but it never lasts for long. I tried last night to just sit back and watch tv last night, but it still kept hitting in waves of panic/tears. I haven't played WoW since what, Monday... just don't feel up to it, plus we've been really busy this week.

I know this week has been extra stressful, and I try to use that to put things in perspective. It just seems that M has demands all over the place and neither him nor I want to say no to anyone right now. I just feel so overwhelmed. Apparently a lot of it is part of the hormones, the panic to get the house in order etc becomes worse that kind of thing.

M and I talked about the classes last night, he's much more interested as we get into the later topics, he's quite keen on the hospital tour, as am I. He also wants to hear the "drug" talk, cause he thinks that will be fun, lol.. that's my hubby.

For now I'm just trying to relax. M's company flew him to Ft. Mac today to do some computer upgrades, at least he'll be back tonight and not staying over. But then we have dinner with P tonight, and M and C go to P's for D&D tomorrow, and we need to get the yard done 'cause Greendrop is coming soon, and the house is a mess, and the baby's room is just a pile of stuff right now... sigh. This is where my mind sits right now. I can't clean the house from top to bottom, and I can't expect the boys to do it either. I know it's not as big a disaster as I think it is, but it seems that everything is amplified right now. The smallest thing is driving me bonkers... if I were to make a to do list it would be pages long.

Guh... ok I'm rambling now and it's going nowhere.

First prenatal class update

So, for anyone who is curious. We had our first prenatal class last night. M made a lot of fuss whining and not wanting to go, but being the lovely man he is, he sucked it up and went with me.

There's about a dozen couples in the class, the lastest due date being July 24th. The gal teaching the class is a RN and has 5 kids (2 daughters and triplet boys), so I figure she's pretty qualified.

We started with relaxation and breathing exercises. For me, this was the worst part of the whole class. I mean, I love it when M touches me, but to be doing it in a classroom, surrounded by 20+ other people, even if they are doing the same thing, wierds me out. The breathing was even worse, I know it's good to learn and all, but talk about feeling like a complete gomer. M said I turned beet red the whole time we were doing it. I was very relieved when that part of the class was over and we could just sit and listen to the instructor talk.

She covered a variety of topics, true/false labor, what to put in your "goody bag" which is different from the "hospital bag". The goody bag is the stuff for YOU rather than the baby. Things to amuse you during labor, things to do, gum, chapstick, that kind of stuff. Also, to bring food for the "coach" cause the cafeteria has crappy hours at the Sturgeon. She also started talking about the stages of labor, really just the beginning. Lots of pictures to look at, so far nothing that scary except for what 10cm dilated looks like (yowch!).

I suppose the best thing that came out of it is the realization that I want M to make sure before ANY doctor/resident/nurse etc does any procedure on me, if I am not coherent enough, that he gets a definite medical reason for it. She showed us the tool they use to break your water if it doesn't break naturally and that made me really think about it. I mean, if they want to "speed things along" without any good reason, they can FRO. Now, if they have a medical reason, that's fine, but the doc having a golf game, is not a medical reason :)

I also never thought of myself as the "natural" person, but the more I hear about all the technology the less thrilled I am about using it. I know my mind may chance, but right now I'm leaning towards au natural with a healthy dose of nitrous ;) Epidurals scare the crap out of me, never mind the chance of needing a catheter with it (ick) and of course an IV (scream). Funny that, I am more scared of having to have an IV put in (I've had 3 in my lifetime) than labor.

Well that's it for now, unless any of you faceless (and one faced - *wave* Taryn) who read this have any questions :)

Registries and such

So, I'm being pushed to make registries for the baby. I put a couple together and I'll put 'em up here so I don't lose 'em. M doesn't agree with them (he didn't agree with the one for the wedding either) but people seem to expect that you will have them, so I puttered some time away today looking at cute baby stuff online.

Sears: Registry# 200705472644 (or use my name)
http://www.giftregistry.sears.ca/gift/egrSearch001.jsp

ToysRUS/BabiesRUs: Registry# 913120634 (or use my name)
http://www.toysrus.ca/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/GiftRegistryHomeView?storeId=10051&catalogId=10052&langId=-1&link_type=image&refTag=TRU_TN_SN_registry

To be honest, I have no idea what we need at this point, classes start tomorrow, perhaps we'll get a shopping list then. I also have to unpack all the stuff my sister sent from Ontario. Speaking of which, anyone want fun? Try to explain why I need a breast pump to a 10 year old, cause of all the stuff I brought home, he homes in on that box to ask about. Then he wanders off after the explanation going "pump, pump, pump", I'm sure he has some sort of "cow milking" idea in his head now.

Swing baby swing!

I totally forgot this morning, here is the swing that my grandmother bought for the baby. It's "rainforest" themed, I just liked how bright it was, and the fact that instead of depending entirely on "D" batteries $$$ it plugs in. It swings side to side and front to back and plays 6 different songs I think.

Baby update

So, 28 week doc's appt today. Things are going well, at least she has no negative comments. The baby's heart rate was 145bpm, and he/she was just running around in there today. The doc figured the baby had a growth spurt over the past 2 weeks, but I only gained approx 1lb over that time, so that's cool.

My blood pressure continues to be low (very cool!) even with me being stressed with M riding to Calgary today to work down there for a couple of days. He did call from Red Deer to reassure me, but I'm still waiting on the call to say he's in Calgary (sigh).

Also, my hemoglobin was good (13) so no worries of anemia, and my blood glucose was also good, I didn't get a number, but no worries of gestational diabetes (phew).

So knock on wood, this pregnancy is proceeding totally normally. I guess the original miscarriage cleaned the bugs out of the system?

So, yeah, I get to fret for the next few days with M away. Going to go to the parents tonight for supper to try to relax.

PHEW, just got my call from M. He's in Calgary. I feel much better now. Now I can get to work.

Will try to keep you all posted more frequently, but work seems to keep interfearing ;)

My job posting still isn't up... I'm gonna have no replacement, ack!

Well at least the baby will have some clothes, K at work is going to drop by 3 garbage bags of baby clothes this weekend probably.

Yes, random sporadic thoughts... stress does that to me...

13 weeks to go? YIPES!

Here ya go. The 27 week tummy. I think M is proud of it, considering he had to get as much of it in the picture as possible.

The baby tends to move a bit more now, but still has quiet days. M's side I think results in the baby doing jumping jacks at about 10-11pm at night and about 5am in the morning. My side contributes to the baby sleeping all day. :)

Still no one to take over my mat leave at work. I'm getting pretty negative on that topic. It's my work, and I'm pretty attached to it. The thought of someone else doing it for a year is kind of like someone moving into your house. I dunno, I'd just like to have some choice in the matter, not just have to deal with whoever the boss picks. The job posting still hasn't gone up on the HR site at work yet and it's almost MAY. I mean, I'm only at work officially until July 17th, and that's if I don't take any holidays. I could be gone at the end of June if things really get uncomfortable.

So, the wake last weekend went well I think. We had a lot of people come through the house. I never realized how many people were shocked that we volunteered our house for it. It was just natural, it was one of the first things out of my mouth when I heard P's news. I'm glad we could do that for him and B. Although, wow, was I tired after for about 3 days. Got to remember I don't have my normal stamina ;)

Now, life is going back to "normal". Work, homework and WoW seem to be all we do nowadays. I really need to get the energy to get out in the yard now that the weather is getting nicer. The boys were really sweet this weekend though, they cleaned up the kitchen and vacuumed for me, and cooked dinner! All I had to do was laundry. It was a nice relief for me to be able to sit back, even though I have a hard time doing that when I know other people are working.

And yeah, 13 weeks! Holy crap. We are so not ready, or at least I'm not. We still have next to no baby clothes, blankets, etc. I have this nightmare that we'll end up at the hospital with nothing for the baby.

Our prenatal classes start next week, wonder if they'll be blogworthy?

Quickie

So, before I forget.

I'm on 2 week visits to the obgyn now. Checkup on baby. Today was getting a req for bloodwork - haemoglobin and the glucose screen for gestational diabetes. Probably go get those done on the weekend.

Baby was doing well, 151-156bpm heartrate. My blood pressure is sitting nicely in the normal range, woo!

New link

While it is available online, I would like to direct everyone to the link for Brianna on my links bar.

Hug your loved ones today...

Warning - very sad news to follow

Saturday April 7

We had known P's wife was not doing well in the hospital, but I don't think any of us had any idea of the real situation, or perhaps we were all just hoping for the best. She was in ICU on a respirator and dialysis due to complications from infections she was fighting (Influenza A, Pneumonia, and the resident Pseudomonas infection that plagues many CF patients). What we didn't know when P said he was going to meet with her doctors that they were going to be discussing B's treatment wishes. Even though I knew it was coming, I was not prepared to recieve that phone call Saturday evening.

I think it is best to share with all who know P and B, P's words:

Saturday afternoon, april 7th 2007, I and Brianna's family after consulting with her doctors, made my hardest descision ever, and followed my wife's wishes. She was removed from all support and allowed to breathe at a regular rate through her intubation.

At 3:45pm, surrounded by myself and her immediate family my beautiful angel passed away quietly and painlessly.

I appreciate all the love and support I have recieved thus far.

As her wish we will be celebrating her life with a wake. This Saturday april 14th at Mike and
Lisa Davies' house in st. Albert starting at 2pm until whenever we see fit. Anyone who wishes to come to remminece or speak to me or simply be there, for 10 minutes or 5 hours, please come. I will leave my e-mail at the end of this message and will reply with a map to get there to any who want one. In liew of flowers or any other such momento my darling Brianna had requested you donate to C.F. (cystic fibrosis) foundation here in Edmonton in her name. Bring food wine and song, bring laughter tears and stories, but most of all bring Love.............

For any of you we have not got in touch with, please feel welcome to join us all. I am not including P's email to respect his privacy here, but you can email me and I will send the details.

Long awaited update?

So, it's been what, 2 weeks again? Life just doesn't seem to give anyone a break anymore it seems. So what's been going on...

Well I was sick for a week (missed 4 days of work) which really sucked. I never realized how miserable a cold is when you can't take anything for it. And well since I generally update this at work, that's where that week went.

I also found out this week that P's wife went back into hospital with complications with an infection, never good news. So we took P out for dinner Tuesday night even tho I was barely moving just to get him out for a bit.

Things went from bad to worse after that. Get back to work, swamped with trying to catch everything up, go to a dinner talk Tuesday night which wipes me pretty much for the rest of the week.. guh. So totally looking forward to a relaxing long weekend.

Thursday my mood is down, and I decide it's time to do some girly stuff, so I call up C and suggest we head out to the mall to get me a haircut and maybe find some maternity shirts. T-shirts are starting to look a bit funny over the tummy. No luck on the maternity clothes Thursday, but I did get my hair cut. Not sure what I think of it yet, it's a lot shorter, but a lot healthier.

Friday P phoned us to ask if we'd mind taking his son S to hang out with C for the afternoon, so we decided to postpone our shopping on Friday to Saturday and figured we'd just drag the boys with us. P's wife wasn't doing very well in hospital and he had a meeting with the doctors Saturday afternoon so he figured S could use the relaxation time.

So Saturday we grabbed the boys and went shopping. We decided to look at maternity clothes again at a different mall, and to perhaps look at strollers. I did find 3 maternity shirts that I didn't mind too much, so picked those up. Then we headed over to Sears to look at strollers. They had some really nice ones, and there was one in particular we were interested in. We had a lovely saleslady helping us, and we thought we'd go think about it and check what Zellers had. M also needed pants BADLY so we went over to Zellers to see what they had for strollers and pants. Their baby section was rather scary, none of their "demo" strollers even had all their wheels, so we didn't even really give them a glance. We picked out pants for M and went back to Sears. Getting back there, we waited and waited and waited being ignored by the other sales girl in the department until I finally gave up and stood in line. When she finally got to me, I said "I wanted to find out about a stroller", not even looking up from her computer she said "What kind?", and then was annoyed when I said I didn't know which one it was and I needed her to move her ass and come with me. I finally convinced her to let go of her computer and come to where I needed her to look at the stroller. And, after all that, she says, "Oh, I don't think we have any of those left" so of course, I ask her if she could double check. OMG apparently I shouldn't expect her to do her job... so she checks, yes, they don't have any. And then I have to ask if she can check other stores... wow, when I worked at Zellers many many years ago I'd have been shot if I didn't offer to do it for a customer. So she sighs and looks it up and says well maybe Southgate or Bonnie Doon will have it. And then she hands me a slip of paper with the phone numbers for those stores!!! She says "There's a phone over there you can use". OMGWTF!

So, I have to phone other Sears stores... (sigh) Well I phone Southgate and get a very nice lady over there who goes to look and says "Yes, we have one left, shall I put it on hold for you?" I say yes please, and we hustle over to Southgate, boys in tow. We get to the mall, get into Sears, and find the department. We ask about the stroller and this lady comes rushing over going "I'm so sorry! We tried to call you!" Turns out that stroller was already on hold for someone else. By this point M is so mad he looks like he's going to cry, and I'm about ready to give up for the day. But this lady is just so apologetic, and she offers to show us their most popular stroller instead, since they couldn't guarantee that they would get any more of the other stroller in. Surprisingly enough, when she shows us the other stroller, we like it even better than the one we had originally chosen.

Here is a picture of the stroller, but ours is black and white checkers.

After much squishing we got everyone and the stroller box into the car and headed home. We figured we'd relax Sat night and get to work on chores etc on Sunday since we had the father in law's b-day Sunday night and dinner with my family for easter monday. What happened Saturday night deserves it's own article.

Ah the joy of hormones

So yeah... I just woke up from sleeping for almost 14 hours. I don't feel good about it, but somewhere in my mind or body I must have needed it.

The only problem is, that instead of feeling better or refreshed, I just feel down, like sit in the corner crying kind of down. Maybe it is because it is the weekend and I don't have work to focus on that the realization of this baby hits, I'm not sure. All I know right now is I am craving some nice weather so I can get on my bike one last time before I get to big to get the belly over the gas tank. Although I think once it gets big, a prego biker chick pic would be good, yes?

I hope this feeling will lift... once the house wakes up and gets moving. I feel guilty for leaving M all alone last night since I went to bed at about 6:30pm, but really there was nothing he could do to help I don't think.

Well, cross your fingers all, that this mood lifts and we get some sunshine today. It is supposed to hit 13C today.

Ok, ok, ok... an update

Wow, ok there's a tummy! I didn't even really look at this picture until I uploaded it. I think there's a baby in there! :)

So yeah, it's been a bit since I last posted anything. Things have been chaotic a best and downright depressing at their worst.

The baby is definately starting to move around, and either it likes certain things, or it's my mood when I'm doing/watching/listening to stuff, because all of a sudden I'll get wicked boots for a few minutes. The other day I was working at my bench and the kicks were enough to set me into giggles. Granted then another night I was sitting up in bed and I was getting kicks in rather uncomfortable places (my crotch), had to tell the baby to move it! Juggled my position, and finally they stopped.

So anyways, the chaos. For the most of the beginning of March I was involved at work not only with writing a grant, but writing/editing/data crunching for my very first FIRST author paper. Now I have a few pubs out there already as a supporting author, for anyone that knows me, google or search PubMed for my maiden name and you should find a few. So that made for extremly long busy days, were I did nothing on my computer but look at spreadsheets and documents. I'm glad that is all over... for now. Since we found out shortly after submission that the paper was rejected from the first journal we chose. So now I have to reformat it for another journal.

I also had my meeting with HR to set up my benefits/etc for my mat leave. That went better than I expected, also since M's company will cover my health stuff I only have to carry disability and life insurance for the year. They also gave me a diaper bag gift bag! It was ever so nice!

Let's see, what else. The boys were supposed to have a dentist appointment last weekend (for both of 'em) and when we got there we found out that their computer had crashed and that the appointments got lost (I booked them 3 months ago to get a Saturday appt), so we managed to get C squeezed in, but M has to wait until next week. I don't think he was dissapointed. So, C needs to see an orthodontist, I pretty much expected that, one of his front teeth is pretty much sideways in his mouth. So we'll see what happens with that appointment (It's not until June).

I went to see my obgyn again, baby is doing well, heartbeat was 147bpm, and apparently it was being a pain to get a heartrate from as it was chugging all over the place and the doc had to chase it to get the heart rate. So it appears that there will be no more ultrasounds unless something comes up.

I made the mistake of going to a Welcome Wagon baby shower this past weekend. It was a good and a bad idea. I felt really left out and alone because I was the only girl there not trailing at least a husband, girlfriends and mothers. I mean I know I have girlfriends and all, but it was just such short notice I guess. I dunno. I came home a pretty big basket case. Stressed and strung out about how much there was to know, to buy, etc. I'm doing better now, but every once in awhile it hits home again.

Definately have to get together with the girls more often I think. But it seems that everyone is so busy with all their own things nowadays it's hard to get time.

We also had PT interviews with C's teacher this week. It wasn't as bad as we'd feared, but he is dropping his marks/effort etc in school. A lot of it seems to be an attitude issue... if he doesn't want to do it, he won't, he'll actually argue assignment wording with the teacher. (sigh) She thinks he will grow out of it, I certainly hope so. These homework battles are really taking their toll on M and I... I mean how much can we keep going over and over and over and over the same things? C is 10 years old, he shouldn't need his teacher to pack his homework in his backpack to make sure he takes it home every night.

Well enough whining, today is a nice day, I'm in a good mood (so far), the sun is shining and I get to go home in an hour and a half.

Meh just nothin much new

So here's a rather blurry pic of my 19 week tummy. I don't think it looks like much, but M says it's "popped out" in the last week. Oh and like my PJ's? M bought 'em for me for Christmas!

Nothin much in the news really, I still haven't felt much movement from the baby, but who knows, maybe he/she kicks the heck out of me when I'm sleeping. Speaking of sleeping, I went to bed last night around 9:30-10 and when I got up I was still so exhausted I called into work and crawled back into bed until almost 11am this morning. I assume that means the baby is growing or something, because I really haven't done anything to justify needing that much sleep all of a sudden.

Today I'm just generally kind of down, not majorly down, just slightly... so here's nother pic to cheer you all up. It's Bear! I was messing around with the camera, and he normally loves to pose for it, this time M made some noise and Bear turned toward him and I captured him with his eyes closed!

Obgyn update

So, we had our first Ob/Gyn appointment today. Talk about chaos. The woman was tied up with a c-section so all her morning appointments were delayed. Then we finally got to see her and whooosh! off she goes to it sounded like 3 women in labor. She seemed like a nice lady, quick and to the point. I miss my regular doc, but I understand she's a lot more qualified in the baby sense.

The baby's heartrate this morning was 151bpm and it only took the doc 30 seconds to find it. She said the baby was moving around quite a bit this morning, but I'm still not feeling too much. I really hope that changes.

I'm also trying not to get too hung up on the weight gain issue, but I hate the fact that they weigh you every time you go in there. I'm up about 3kg from my initial appointment weight back in November. Mental note, just add more veggies ;) maybe that will make me feel a bit better.

The other nice thing, is that my blood pressure is down from my normal "doctor's office" blood pressure.

I have a new belly pic, but it's at home, so it will follow another day.

Fourth ultrasound

So, here is our baby measuring in at 18 weeks, 2 days (on Wednesday). His/her heartrate was 140bpm. I was told it can vary from 120-180bpm depending on baby's and mom's activity.

Definately looks like the baby has my nose (grin), nice and little. We saw some awesome footage as the technician showed us a cutdown from the skull right down to the feet. It is amazing what you can see. I especially liked being able to differentiate the two bones of the forearms. But the longbones in the legs were pretty cool too.

Baby was doing cartwheels, so she had some fun trying to get all the images required. Apparently they do a whole wack of measurements at this ultrasound. The tech spent a good 10 minutes just looking for a hand as the baby was laying on them.

C was very amused that the baby's head is almost the same size as it's belly right now.

We have the obgyn appointment monday morning, so if there's any more details from the ultrasound, I guess i'll hear about them then. If not, I'll call my GP after.

Nursery Pics

So, finally I got around to taking some pictures of the baby's new stuff. Here you see the crib we bought and the so cute bedding! The crib converts from a crib->toddler bed->headboard for a double bed, so if the kid doesn't destroy it, we're set for awhile. We're sticking with greens and yellows for colors right now since we don't know if it's a boy or a girl, and well, if we do, we probably won't tell anyone :p Plus I HATE PINK. Point to note people. It may be hard to tell from the pic, but the bed linens are a kind of pastel jungle theme. The elephant and giraffe squeek when you squish 'em too!


The fancy paintjob on the walls is courtsey of the previous owners of the house, it is also in the "kid's bathroom" across the hall from this room. Very cute, but I'm not sure how to paint over it when we decide to paint the room as the little bugs and flowers are slightly raised.

Here is a cockeyed picture of the change table. We wanted to add a few drawers to the room, even though there are a few built in. Now we're looking for a recliner/rocking chair for me to use in the room as we had to pull the futon out to make room for the crib (it was bigger than I thought).

New things bring new fears

Well we did get out shopping this weekend, I'll get to that.

Saturday C went with his mom for the day, so M and I went out shopping. I was going to take him to see Ghostrider, but he was still too sick to sit in a theater for 2 hrs, so we went to ToysRUs which started the shopping idea. At ToysRUs we looked at baby furniture and strollers and baby monitors and stuff. Trying to get an idea of what each of us liked and didn't like. After digging through there and not being terribly thrilled at the furniture prices we decided to hit Walmart. We were able to find a compareable crib and changetable at half the price of ToysRUs. So, yeah, we bought them both. Then we had to call the mom-in-law to come with the truck to help us bring it all home. We also went to Home Depot while we waited for her to get a new light fixture for C's room (his is pretty much dead) and a desk lamp for his desk (I don't think there's enough light over his desk when he sits there for homework).

We still haven't really decided on a stroller other than we want a "travel package" (infant car seat+stroller) with BIG WHEELS. I never realized how much of an issue it would be until we started looking. Big wheels are much easier to navigate with.

Then M, the mother-in-law, and I all went to Red Lobster for dinner, and I had a whole plate of seafood! Well not counting the potatoes and veggies. I had a snow crab and king crab combo which was pretty good until I got about 3/4 of the way through and I started to get a bit overwhelmed. I managed to finish the crab and my veggies though. Figured I could leave the potatoes.

So Saturday was a really good day. Sunday, well it started to go downhill from there. We were all really tired I think from Saturday and we had the house chores to get started on. M was trying to figure out how to fit the furniture in the baby's room and decided we needed to move the futon out, so we got it out kicking up a lot of dust probably along the way, so M started feeling pretty sick again. We also had D pop over for a visit and to show us her latest company endeavor.

We wrote off the rest of Sunday relaxing and recovering. Monday the boys got back at the furniture and I got onto the dishes and other stuff. Finally got my elliptical trainer together! Then when they finished all the stuff in the baby's room I went up to look and that's when it hit me. I'm having a baby? Can I really do this?

To top it off, I've recently been feeling really not pregnant. The baby has been pretty quiet the past week, no more fluttering birds. That gets me concerned, even though everything I read says it could just be that the baby isn't in a good position for me to feel it at this point. D says I'm showing, but I still just feel fat. I mean, on Saturday I even got an old pair of jeans on, and zipped up. Granted they weren't comfy to sit in like that, and I did spend the day with them undone under a long shirt but it didn't reassure me.

We have our 18 week ultrasound tomorrow and I'm hoping that this reassures me for a little while again.

So yeah, I think the "I'm scared" has settled in with a vengence the past few days. I'm cranky, I hate the way I look and I want to cry and hide. M is being a sweetheart and trying to reassure me, and I love him for that. I don't want to make it hard on him, and I know I am with my crankiness. I snap at him, I snap at C, I snap at the dog. I just feel like such a heel.